Productivity: 1/10. For the 11th quarter in a row, Poppy has failed to submit a single deliverable. One point for not fetching anything out of the office trash bin this quarter.

Adaptability: 8/10. Poppy dealt with a particularly cold winter very well and was amenable to taking breaks at different times of day than usual, at the whims of her boss. Her enthusiasm to return to the office after walking breaks was unmatched.

Impact on company culture: 13/10. Poppy continued to ensure team happiness levels were maximized at work using snoot nudges and requests for belly rubs.

Productivity: 1/10. Poppy slept through the whole quarter. One point because she did do some really big, important stretches.

Adaptability: 8/10. Poppy managed many hours of driving with her boss and staying in new locations during work travel. She was very proactive in identifying new couches to claim as her own.

Impact on company culture: 14/10. Poppy’s comedic timing was exceptional this quarter. She successfully photo-bomed at least two calls per week.

Productivity: 8/10. Poppy napped a lot this quarter, but she also had her first site visit to a youth drop-in center. This contributed significantly to her increase in productivity score, though let’s face it: the bar was very low.

Adaptability: 8/10. Poppy did a great job staying calm and adapting to new environments on her three work trips this quarter, with minimal (but occasional) shouting in hotel lobbies after long car trips.

Impact on company culture: 12/10. ACStrategies staff report that Poppy reminded them to take breaks and maintain work/life balance. ACStrategies highly values her contributions to promoting mental health in the workplace.

Productivity: 1/10. Poppy continued to nap more than she worked this quarter, despite daily requests to assist with critical company tasks.

Adaptability: 5/10. Poppy did not seem to integrate any feedback about her lack of productivity, but she made up for it by being a Very Good Girl.

Impact on company culture: 11/10. Poppy continues to contribute positively to morale through her steadfast companionship (she never leaves the office while her boss is in) despite her minimal substantive contributions (she’s asleep for 95% of the time she spends in the office).

Productivity: 2/10. Poppy napped more than she worked this quarter, but her services as wintertime foot warmer were top notch.

Adaptability: 7/10. Poppy’s boss took six work trips this quarter, and Poppy complied with most of her substitute bosses’ requests.

Impact on company culture: 13/10. ACStrategies staff lost track of how many people requested Poppy’s appearance on calls this quarter. Extra points awarded for internal and external impact on joy.